(With some apologies to the Norweigian Curling Team-jl)
This is an open letter to Executive Directors, Board Chairs and anyone in leadership positions in charities who sign fundraising appeals. It’s not my job to write appeals that sound like you. It’s my job to write appeals that engage your donors and raise you money. So here are some of my inner monologues on the subject.
Mr. Fancypants: “Agent Jen, I’m adding my degrees after my name.”
No, Mr. Fancypants, the letter does not come from Mr. Fancypants, B.A., M.A. I’m sure Mama Fancypants was real proud when you got your degrees, but if they don’t add value or context to what you are writing about, you are including them for the glorification of your ego and not for your donors.
Mr. Fancypants: “Agent Jen, I would never say this line.”
You’re right, Mr. Fancypants. You probably wouldn’t say something so compelling or inspiring. You’re kind of boring. But you are sending this appeal to ask for money, so you have to actually ASK for money if you want to get any. You need a call to action. It might not be the kind of chit-chat you and Mrs. Fancypants have over supper, but your donors need to know what you want and what you will do with it.
Mr Fancypants: “Agent Jen, can we work our mission statement into this line?”
No.
Your mission statement was written by a committee and it sounds like it. If you want to inspire action and have an impact, you need to sound like a person and not a committee. You need to tell stories. You need to show your donors what you do and why it matters.
Mr. Fancypants: “Agent Jen, we don’t use words like this.”
I’m mostly delighted that charities are thinking about their voice and ensuring they are positioned appropriately. But please give your writers some context about it. I work with a major health charity who told me they don’t “fight” the disease. I didn’t get it. So I asked why. And the response was thoughtful and insightful: “Agent Jen, we want to turn the whole conversation around and talk about what we do and why we make a difference. We want a confident, leadership voice. We don’t have time to fight. We’re finding solutions and helping families.” Love it.
Twitter Updates
21 March 2010 at 1:43 pm
Everyone who reads this will be nodding their heads and, probably, laughing hysterically like I just did.
Let’s not forget the ED pulling out their Strunk & White Manual of Style to point out your grammatical errors.
I’m writing for your audience (donors), not your English teacher.
My work that will generate the highest return is the work that goes out exactly as I wrote it – not the work that has been bastardized.
Thank you for this awesome post.
21 March 2010 at 2:06 pm
Thanks Pamela! Ah yes, I could write a whole other post to Mr. Fancypants about grammar and punctuation…in fact I could dedicate a whole blog to how much I love the exclamation mark! Yes! LOVE!
21 March 2010 at 2:11 pm
Me too!
Enthusiasm will bring the dollars!
… not the same ole’ tired prose of every appeal letter that appears in my mailbox.
21 March 2010 at 3:33 pm
Thanks for your thoughts Pam! Even I keep my Strunk and White close by just in case of emergency!
23 March 2010 at 1:36 pm
I’m giggling and nodding my head while reading this! You’re so right that EDs think they know how to write these letters, when in fact their suggestions trash them.
Keep up the good work!
Sandy Rees
Fundraising Coach
http://www.getfullyfunded.com
23 March 2010 at 1:48 pm
Thanks Sandy! Here’s to exposing the inner monologue..sometimes.
25 March 2010 at 10:05 am
An excellent post! Bravo. Let us take a moment to consider the fundraisers who work for organizations and are often caught in the middle between an agencies recommendations and the CEO, President or Communications Director of their organization.
Negotiating copy between your boss and your consultant is a very difficult task. Hopefully more bold posts like this will make that job easier.
Apologies for anonymity – I like my job and I believe we are evolving to ‘best practice’ even if we aren’t always comfortable implementing the recommendations from our consultants. My path isn’t always an easy one.
From the trenches
Agent 007
25 March 2010 at 10:13 am
Most EDs I’ve ever worked with have been smart people. Sometimes gifted communicators. But sometimes anything but. Sometimes scientists. Sometimes social workers. Sometimes environmentalists. But almost always passionate about what they do. Even if that passion doesn’t express itself in persuasive copy. (That’s why they do their job and we do ours.) I agree with what’s said in the post. At the same time I exhort writers/fundraisers to invest time upfront in explaining to EDs, or any other letter signatories, why you/we take a certain approach. It always pays off in the long run. Cheers, Derek
26 March 2010 at 6:16 am
Secret Agent 007! Thank you for stopping by and providing such a valuable perspective. Our Agents are everywhere. And we’ve long acknowledged that the passionate and insistent fundraisers who work at charities are the real heroes in our sector. You are the ones navigating between the demands of your consultants (including sometimes threats like “if you take that out you won’t raise as much money”) and the expectations of your boss. Agents are here to demystify direct marketing, and hopefully encourage EDs and Board Chairs and pretty much anyone who will listen to take a donor-centred approach to their appeals. Too often charities want to talk about themselves, instead of talking to their donors. Thanks again Secret Agent! Please come back and keep posting! We could discuss (on a secure line) you providing a guest blog or too as well!
26 March 2010 at 6:23 am
Thanks Derek. You busted me. The truth is that we consultants bear more of the responsibility to engage in dialogue and take the time and energy to discuss our approach and why it matters. This post was meant to illustrate the problem, and yes, I had a little fun poking Mr. Fancypants, but it’s not his job to understand the intricacies of direct marketing. I’m secretly hoping that an enraged ED will post here and flame me for being so obnoxious. And if he doesn’t, I may canvass some of my fave EDs and Board Chairs and write a response to “Dear Ms. Know-It-All”. Your thoughts are welcome!
26 March 2010 at 9:27 am
agree. Secret agents have two very special weapons: a carrot and a stick. Successful missions no doubt rely on astute use of each x
15 April 2010 at 10:00 am
I loved this post! I really liked the last line about the health charity, such a well thought-out position.
15 April 2010 at 4:52 pm
Thank you for the post — most excellent. Some advice I received early has stayed with me, “Write like Hemmingway.” and, “Make your appeal about the donor and what the donor’s help does.”
People don’t give a fig about our mission statements or about the charity in and of itself. They do get jazzed about what they help make possible in concrete terms.
19 April 2010 at 6:58 pm
Ron! “People don’t give a fig about mission statements” – I LOVE that! Thanks for the comment!
19 April 2010 at 6:59 pm
Thanks for commenting Jessica – I’ve had good feedback on that last line which (as a direct response writer) tells me I should have put it first.